Red crayon
circling a number
like a shark
it was so bright
even in the dead of dark
I ignored it because
it wasn’t on the mark
I had hoped
until I realized
it was a new one
You’re scared
but you do it anyway
because of the
welder who lives
in your stomach
mask on
propane flame
it’s dangerous
but it’s for the sculpture
that will decorate
the barron walls
of your brain
Feels like my guts
have spilled out
only bigger
and it’s gonna take years
of reconstructive surgery
and i don’t want it to,
just want to rewind.
Sometimes the chair is right there
I just don't know to sit in it
Until it's spotlit
Outlined
And then
And only then
Can I animorph
Half chair
(It takes so long for me to become a house)
Quarter content
So I can finally see
The infinite ceiling above
Waiting for a show to start
Pause
I want to live
inside the pause button
no more fast forwarding
to the next episode
anticipating
the joy
& living in a glob
of possible
as touchable
as smoke
dissipating
in the next room.
Rock
Curtains draping
over lungs
netting over
the tiny me
in my spine
melting
and wet
like a funeral
stretched out
unfurling into snake
swelling into netting
so large
it chokes out the Earth
like a stress ball
& I squeeze it
till the ocean
runs down my palms
through my veins
as I turn inside out
crouching,
folding into myself
draping flannel
over my windows
& unfolding
into dollhouse.
Sluggish
White splatter all over
peach skin
but then
envisioning slime
on the bed
no, on the pavement
wrapped in old grey gum
and foot dust
tasting and smelling each other
for hours
until the gypsobelum shoots
through layers of slime
and glub
dripping
jade and wood
puddles
after they come
out their shell.
Quarantine
I feel content knowing
I’m sandwiched
between dirt
and people
like a coffin
like Grimey Grimes
between 2 bowling alleys
Lego Block steps
even if playtime
is in time out
dinosaurs stomping
like when I was a pterodactyl
in the elementary school playground
hiding behind a tree
Change the channel Marge,
this episode sucks.
Tinder in the Time of Corona
Heart bulge on every picture and a proposal
in the time of Corona
“With your permission, may I ask you a personal question?”
Sure, I guess.
“Imagine if tonight was the last night of the universe and you were having your last meal, what food would you choose to eat?”
He beams
from screen
in all white linen
lawyer smile
and a biohazard sign:
[I am running a successful startup and I enjoy long walks]
[I love babies]
Something spicy, I say
[The slug in my mouth is hungry]
He said he would have picked a home cooked meal
followed by chocolate
“You know, we are not supposed to wait for the end of the universe to have some great food. We should plan something together sooner than that.
Won’t you agree?”
I agree with this:
I feel like my body is the floor of a place
where you don’t see roaches
but you know they walked on the tiles
and you know the tiles
haven’t been wiped with clorox
I walk my dog
as flickering notifications
from my phone
set the flammable
cotton
in my back pocket
on fire
as my ears turn doggish
perking up
my nose cold and wet
sniffing out the neighbors
“I don’t think the virus is going to be that bad”
“This fucking dude, he’s coughing onto the BART and touching everything and it’s like, dude, have you seen the news? We got a fucking pandemic going on here.”
[I'm inside the beginning stage of an apocalyptic video game]
[only it’s actually a lot more boring]
Graphs and panic
GIFS of fingers tapping
from impatience wrapped in linen
Flood
As my memories flow
clogging my arteries with water
a carcuss floats into
my main pool
as I tear it apart
poking at its remains.
When will it fully
decompose
and will it ever drain?
Arch
Man like McDonald’s
carrying fire engine red
gas tanks
crooked arch
claws in sidewalk
coughing in code
as his tail wraps around
golden iced arches.
Date
I’m crazy
But I’m not crazy
I know a solid set of Lego blocks
When I see em
A breakable bridge
A malleable mountain
Once I had a premonition
A wall calendar
Circled with a date
Of unknown significance
In red crayon, so cliche
And I ignored its significance
Because it was of the future
And not a dream of the present
Where I wanted to wade
In chlorine surrounded by blocks
If only I knew
It was that song I knew
Playing from inside a car
I just had to open the door
To hear the tune
Pulling up the covers
Made of looks
Made of chains and locks
Fabric so thick
I can feel it breathing
Locking into
My skin
Half human, half plastic
One with the almanac
Movie
Anyone’s life
can be a movie.
Everyone’s life
is a movie.
Truth is not just
stranger than fiction
but it’s more nuanced
more unbelievable
too &
just cram your hand in the dirt
and you’ll drag out
a handful of worms
with more foreshadowing
and intricacies, ironies
than a polished gem of a script.
Increase
The more you date
the more you increase
your chances
of getting raped
of getting murdered
of having your skeletal remains
end up in the wall
of a shack in the woods
or a city
where you are as meaningful
as the rats
only slightly more
if you can increase
the bank accounts
or the swelling.
It's no consolation but
fiery falling pieces of debris
aim to be inside the constellations
that they see
sparkling so hard
that they’re burning as bright
as the meteor’s ferocity
as it dies across the night.
A man
A man checking out
the legs and ass
of a woman
who is also testifying
at his daughter’s rape trial
A man checking out
the tits of the 16-year-old
while checking out
Ensure for his bad wife
out in the car
the same man
who impregnates the woman he calls crazy
in the back of a van
while his also crazy wife dies at home
alone
an act of man
manual strangulation
as escalation
into his own sexualization
in a remote wooded area
where he feels he is alone
even when she was breathing.
I used to think the hands and looks in the man’s eyes
were the flowering of a union
but now I know
it’s just of them alone.
Stop
Spending time
reading words
obsessing that
I should be
dragging
more
and more
and more and more and more and more
minutes, hours, days, years
into writing words
spending time
wishing to
stop it
to eat the tv screen
to cram voluminous storybooks
into my ears
to inject my veins
with watercolors
choking on iced guilt
iced consumerism latte
without the additive
of productivity.
Trying
A hummingbird rests
on a Dogwood tree branch
turning statue
surrounded by white pedals
in front of a sunset screen
and the only way
for that to be me
is to shut the shower door
and let the water run down
preventing me
from touching my phone
my trunk so attached
to the sugar water below.
Saddle up
Jolted awake
when already awake
the stars of night
are piercing clouds
dissipating from brain cell
to brain cell
as they lock in
trying
to gel
with waking wild horses.
Record
I think of the record
the man gave the teen
because she reminded him
of when his wife was a teen
so he can think of that teen
when his wife is in dreams
and soon that teen will be the wife
of a man
fantasizing about being the teen
of a teacher, a rapist
he reads in a magazine
enjoying the victimization between
being the rare, vintage record
when you’re still in wean.